In a 6-3 ruling issued late Thursday morning, the Supreme Court rejected an attempt by conservative activists to undermine the Affordable Care Act by mendaciously exploiting what was essentially a typo in the law. The decision in King v. Burwell — the second time the court has ruled decisively in favor of the health care law — will prevent an estimated 13 million Americans in 34 states across the country from losing their health insurance. Naturally, conservatives are devastated.
Here are some of the most hilarious and predictably deranged right-wing meltdowns so far (oh, and keep in mind — this was before the same-sex marriage ruling was issued today):
1. Words are meaningless and the world doesn’t make sense anymore!
By God, context and congressional intent were actually considered in the interpretation of a 4-word phrase cherry-picked out of a 1,000+ page document? That’s… that’s just too much to handle for conservative commentator Michelle Malkin and Ben Shapiro, editor of the very right-leaning Breitbart.com, both of whom are echoing the angry, childish language used by Justice Antonin Scalia in the dissent he issued alongside the majority opinion. After all, it words weren’t created to be taken totally out of context, then what’s the point of language at all? But hey, if conservatives are concerned about confusing interpretations of legal text, perhaps they’d like to revisit the idea that ‘well-regulated militia’ means ‘any individual person who wants a gun.’
2. Obamacare is coming for your grandma!
Isn’t that sweet? Fox News host Todd Starnes is worried about your grandparents. You grandparents who had government healthcare (Medicare) before the Affordable Care Act and who still have Medicare after it. He is not, however, concerned about the people who couldn’t afford healthcare before the ACA and who, if it were up to conservatives like him, would never make it to old age. Or maybe that was their plan along — deprive poor people of health insurance so they die early, and then we can get rid of Medicare, too!
3. The ruling is a legal confirmation of slavery!
Carrying on the tradition of notable conservative blowhards like Ben Carson, George Will, Hugh Hewitt and Rush Limbaugh, Matthew Vadum, senior editor of the right-wing Capital Research Center, compared the ruling to a legal confirmation of slavery, calling it “the Roberts court’s second Dred Scott decision” and “third world bullshit.” Is there anything conservatives won’t associate with slavery? You know, other than the confederate flag… the symbol of the pro-slavery side of the civil war.
And here we have Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant (R) and Fox News Business correspondent Charles Payne demonstrating once again that conservatives have no idea what the word ‘socialism’ means — but they’ll be damned if a minor detail like that is going to stop them from using it.
5. Can’t you see what they’ve done?? The U.S. Constitution is basically null and void after today!
Bryan Fischer of American Family Radio and Fox’s Starnes know what’s up: It’s obvious that our founding fathers only wanted wealthy people to have access to healthcare. Haven’t you read that part of the Constitution?
6. Oh, the horror — we’re barely even a sovereign nation at this point!
7. Our entire system of government is doomed!
Liberty Hangout, which I’m assuming is a sad basement apartment lined with with faded American flags and stuffed Bald Eagle carcasses, is certain that the ruling has doomed the very system of checks and balances that our government is based upon. Let’s see — Congress passed a law, the executive branch implemented it, and the Supreme Court interpreted it. Yep, the system is obviously broken beyond repair. Don’t yall think?
8. The chief justice is a tyrant, can’t you see???
If not destroying the nation’s healthcare system and not undoing a major act of legislation passed by both houses of Congress isn’t tyranny, then what is? What else can the Tyrant Chief Justice Roberts not interfere with? And you know American Family Radio’s Bryan Fischer is serious about this… DON’T YOU???? Look at his use of punctuation! Those are the question marks of a pensive man.
9. …a tyrant who’s obviously been blackmailed by Obama and his “thug” politics!
Frequent Fox News guest and self-described “CAPITALIST EVANGELIST” (yes, in all caps) Wayne Allyn Root knows that someone has to ask the hard questions. But not him. Not today. He’s got EVANGELISM to do. CAPITALIST EVANGELISM.
10. Obamacare? More Like SCOTUSCare!
Courtesy of everyone’s favorite Supreme Court curmudgeon, Antonin Scalia (via conservative political analyst Andrea Tantaros), who can think of nothing worse than establishing health care as a human right.
And that, folks, is modern conservatism.
If you want to see even more deranged reactions from the increasingly unhinged right-wing, check out this gallery of screenshots from Fox News’ Facebook page yesterday: